What A Mess
by luvmecuzimcute
Summary: Draco grovels for Hermione to understand him and his choices after the War. Will she comply?
1. lyrics

**AN: This one-shot I could make it longer review and tell me is dedicated to Nicole. This is because she got me writing again. It is based on a song by SR-71 and it's called What A Mess. I'm going to post the lyrics first and I'll post the actual story when I finish it. :)**

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I confess, it's all trueI'm a mess, what a fool  
Now what do I do?

I need your help to get up from my knees  
I can't seem to see the forest for the trees  
As I wait in my silent misery  
All I'm askin' is please, forgive me

Now she knows me  
Now she knows me  
But she wants me to be someone I can't be

Still she wants me  
She needs me  
She wants me, 'cause she loves me

I need your help to get up from my knees  
I can't seem to see the forest for the trees  
As I wait in my silent misery  
And all I'm askin' is please, forgive me

Shattered, now you see inside  
'Cause I no longer hide  
Or fall between the cracks you left behind

Shattered, now you're out of time  
You've come this far to be denied

What a shame, I'm to blame?  
What a shame, I'm to blame?

I need your help to get up from my knees  
Cause I can't seem to see the forest for the trees  
And as I wait in my silent misery  
And all I'm askin' is please, forgive me  
I need your help to get up from my knees

'Cause I can't seem to see the forest for the trees  
And as I wait in my silent misery  
'Cause all I'm askin' is please


	2. What A Mess

'Merlin, Granger will you just listen to me? I'm telling the truth!'

'Oh yeah, the truth? That's rather uncharacteristic of you, Malfoy.' retorted Hermione angrily; tossing her soft hair back. 'I don't _believe _a single word that comes out of your mouth! And you know why?'

A half formed reply hovered between Draco's open lips but he decided against it; it would only make things worse he conceded. Instead, Draco hung his head like a disciplined schoolboy as she continued furiously in his silence.

'Firstly, you show up unannounced on my doorstep at eleven at night! Just how were you expecting me to react? Overjoyed perhaps? Secondly, look at what you've done to me, Malfoy…to _us_ over the years! Thirdly,' Hermione faltered uncertainly; she had run out of steam and she struggled to stay annoyed. She sighed wearily, 'I don't want to hear anymore from you. Now just disappear from my doorway!'

Hermione pushed the door gently; leaving it slightly ajar. She leant against the dark mahogany frame and pushed her hair out of her face. She had a long tiring day and it was only natural that she was overwhelmed with emotions. Hermione was upset because Malfoy had appeared out of the blue just when she decided to call it a day. She could hear the melancholy chirping of the grasshoppers in the bushes but their gentle music did not calm her troubled soul. Thoughts swarmed inside her head and she could hear the soft noise his shoes made as he descended her stone steps.

_He does seem genuinely sorry_, she supposed, _everyone deserves a second chance. Besides it was such a long time ago. I should listen to what he has to say at the very least._

_Chance? _Draco stopped in his tracks as his foot reached the last step. He could hear her muttering; maybe not to him but she definitely murmured something about 'chance'. For an instance, he thought that she was going to hex his unprotected back and his grey eyes grew wide but then he heard her sigh somewhat regretfully.

'Alright, I'll listen but I'm not promising anything, Malfoy. I doubt I could be any _more_ tired than I am right now.'

Awed, a bubble of triumph surged throughout Draco as he turned around. He couldn't believe his luck and he gazed at the slightly ajar door rather stupidly.

'Are you coming in? I'm not as rich as you, Malfoy but I'm trying to cut down on my heating bills and you're already adding billions to it. I don't mean to be rude but I'm going to have to close the door if you're planning to stand outside all night.' called Hermione's irritated voice.

Draco shook himself, he felt like an idiot right now. Hastily, he stepped into the warmth of Hermione's cosy home.

It was small, but large enough to accommodate one person. Of course, the Malfoy Manor was much, _much_ (he mentally underlined) bigger and grander and yes, more luxurious.

'It's luxurious enough for me so stop comparing it to your Manor.' said Hermione defensively as she eyed him carefully.

'How…? I wasn't comparing anything!' Draco spluttered and he regained his composure quickly; returning her look defiantly.

Her amber eyes looked at him steadily; unbelieving.

Draco sighed and he coughed, 'Did you take up lessons on mind-reading, Granger?'

'No, as a matter of fact, I didn't. Anybody with a brain the size of a pea knew _exactly_ what you were thinking just there.'

'How would they _know_?'

'Malfoy,' said Hermione in her usual matter-of-fact tone, 'you were giving my armchair a look of disgust.'

'Oh.' said Draco flushing under her steady gaze.

Hermione looked around her house for a moment, 'It is rather messy at the moment, I'm sorry about that. When I'm _expecting_ guests, I usually tidy the house but you see, you were kinda _unexpected_.'

'I don't mind.'

'The living room's through that door on the right.' sighed Hermione then she seemed to remember her manners. In a off hand tone, she asked, 'Would you like some tea?'

'No, I'm fine. Thank you.'

'Perhaps, coffee? I've got filtered or instant. Or would you prefer something else? Milk, juice, water maybe?'

'No no, I'm seriously fine.'

Hermione gave him another one of her looks and she clenched her teeth, 'I _insist_.'

'Tea.' he almost whispered.

After handing Draco his cup and sipping on her own she sat down as far as possible from him. She looked at him expectantly but he seemed more interested in the ripples on the surface of his beverage.

_One minute._

_Two minutes._

'Okay talk!' she demanded.

He stared down at his half filled cup and swallowed nervously, 'Well this _is_ a very long story as it started in our first year. Well actually, I think it was even before that, but yes, as you know you came into the picture in first year …'

Hermione groaned, it reminded her of one of those university lectures. She coughed politely; cutting him off.

'Well then, I think you should get to the point. After all, it is only,' she paused and looked at her wrist-watch, '11:43.'

'I had a crush on you in first year.' he said.

Hermione nearly choked on her tea, _there was no way he said all in one breath! _She dapped at the her lips. 'Sorry, do go on.' Hermione flushed, _I guess that explains all the bullying_.

'GRANGER!'

'What?!'

'Geez, there's no need to get snappy! I was just making sure you're still alive….your eyes were glazed over _and _you stopped breathing.'

'My eyes did not glaze over!' she retorted frostily but she could feel her face getting hot, 'Look, just continue on with your story!'

It began with the development of his crush into something much 'more' over the years. He strolled through his tale as if it was a walk in the park and he successfully ignored her typical feminine gasps when he told he believed that he loved her. Finally he ended with his first meeting with Voldemort.

'You have no idea, there was nothing I could do, Hermione! I was left with an ultimum, it was either you and my family died or the life of another. And it wasn't the life of 'anyone'! He assigned me to kill Dumbledore. It was right before we started sixth year. Yes, I was lead to dislike the old fool but come on! Dumbledore! I have to admit, I was terrified. I don't even know how I managed to hide it so well from my friends."

Draco finally looked at her, and he was shocked; her full amber eyes were flooded with tears.

'Oh Draco, I'm so sorry you were forced to do that.' she said compassionately.

He grinned, 'I'm glad you believe me now.'

'Maybe I took classes in face-reading.' Hermione said seriously and she gave a gentle tearful laugh. 'Excuse me if I sound like Trelawney, but I can see from your face, Draco, I see everything. Do you know how many times I've watched your faces for signals? No? Well let me tell you something, I have loved you just as long as you claim to love me.'

She paused briefly and suddenly gave him a sly smile, 'Maybe I do believe you now. But that's just up to sixth year, you better tell me the rest.'

Draco sighed, she was still hesitant to believe him but it was a start.

"I had a chance to kill him, Dumbledore I mean, but I just couldn't do it. In the end, Snape killed him. I never felt so sick in my life, I almost threw up.'

As he spoke of his life-tale, he admitted her was badgered with thoughts of her up until the war. The more he said, the more he began to tremble and he eventually held his shaking head in his hands.

'Fear forced me to be on his side…' he choked, he lifted his tear-stained face and looked pleadingly at her. Hermione nodded gently and sat next to him; her hand comfortingly rested upon his left shoulder.

'Hermione…,' he began to say in anguish, 'You _have _to know I didn't want to do it. When I saw you at the start of the final battle, I was completely crushed, I didn't want you to get hurt. I walked the other way because I knew I couldn't stop you. When it all ended, we went into until now…Father died of a heart attack. He was so stressed about our safety and feared that we would get hurt.'

'Oh Draco!' cried Hermione and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was sobbing freely now; overwhelmed by the pain and sadness he had gone through.

Tears repentantly trickled down his face too as he clasped to her; murmuring her name again and again. Her wet hair clung to his pale face and his shaking hand lifted her chin up.

He felt loved…it was such a long time he felt this close to a person, to anybody.

He was desperate to love.

Draco captured her lips in a breath-taking kiss, she responded immediately and gripped his shoulders. His hand was stroking her thigh soothingly and he pushed her against the sofa. Hermione groaned as he slipped his hand under her jumper.

'I'm sorry Hermione, I disliked the others but I didn't intend for them to die. I'm sorry.' he whispered as he kissed her neck.

It was like a slap across the face.

Hermione's half-closed eyes suddenly snapped open and she pushed him off her quickly. Draco was flung against the sofa and he looked stunned as she re-adjusted her clothing. Hermione said nothing and she walked to the open living room window.

She silently cried, how could she forget?

The 'Others'didn't deserve to die; they had so much to live for. She almost forgot, she had had _just_ got her life and parents back after the final battle. Was it _just_ some sick reality that she was never to forget what happened?

The memories that came flooding back to her nearly _drowned_ her. _Oh Fred…Lupin…_, she thought. It was a never-ending list.

Draco stood up awkwardly behind her, the dead silence killed him as she stood there to what seemed like eons but he knew she was deeply upset. She was still breathing heavily and her body was quivering.

'Hermione,' he called softly, 'I came here tonight not just to tell you I love you but to ask for forgiveness.'

He could tell his words added more salt to her re-opened wounds. Hermione flared angrily; she spun around and her eyes were red with anger.

'How can you? _How can you?_ How can you dare to ask me to forgive you? George has lost his twin! Lupin's child will never know him! How _dare_ you think I will automatically forgive you just because I listened to you for 5 minutes and let you touch me!'

She glared at him, anger was furiously bubbling inside her and she held onto an armchair to steady herself before drawing herself up again and speaking in a deadly quiet voice,

'Do you know what I've been through? I _just_ got my parents to remember me! You came here tonight because you are selfish, _Malfoy_. I don't regret what I said earlier, I may have loved you at one point but-'

'Hermione, please.' he begged.

'-I cannot see how I can right now.'

Her amber eyes continue to burn with pain and betrayal. Draco shrunk back and hung his head; ashamed.

'You're right, I'm selfish. I'm really sorry.'

'Well that's nice to know.' she said darkly. 'I'm going to bed.'

She turned around and he didn't move at all but continued to looked down.

In a less fierce voice she asked, 'Malfoy, do you have somewhere to stay for the night?'

He shook his head.

'You can sleep on the sofa, there's blankets and pillows in that cupboard.' she said wearily and she walked to the stairs.

His eyes followed her, it was probably the closest he would get to forgiveness from her.

'Goodnight, Draco.' she called.


End file.
